He’s internalized the belief that it’d be easier if Nick didn’t like him, going so far as to apologize for fights that Nick’s friend, Harry, starts.
Charlie is quick to blame himself for the way Nick’s friends act toward him and the way Ben treats him. This is extremely similar to the way Charlie feels about, well, anyone who cares about him, often treating himself like a burden because he’s gay. Despite my best efforts, I would find myself thinking that things would be easier if I were a white boy instead of a Black girl, because yeah, as if sexuality wasn’t enough of a hurdle, we’re also an interracial couple. At one point I told her she could go to holiday gatherings alone and I could stay home so that they wouldn’t be forced to dance around our relationship.Įven if I knew I did nothing wrong, I offered that option because they were her family, and my relationship with her created tension between them. I remember having moments where I’d blame myself for the distance she put between herself and her family, who were perfectly fine with my existence as long as I called myself their daughter’s roommate. The arc Charlie goes through reminds me of the way I felt when I started dating the girl I’d go on to marry. You’re not to blame for how others react to you being queer, so stop apologizing Nick, on the other hand, still has a friendship with Charlie and treats him like a person. Arguably, Ben is too, but he uses that as an excuse to be nasty toward Charlie while also pulling him back in for their meet-ups. Nick’s genuinely trying to figure himself out.
Even if his relationship with Nick starts out as a secret, it’s done in a way that shows Charlie that he doesn’t have to settle on someone like Ben. Heartstopper allows Charlie to learn that it’s okay to want more than that. Even if Charlie knows he should want more than to be Ben’s little secret, he’s been made to feel like this is the only way he can have a relationship with a boy. It’s easy to see that Charlie needs to stop seeing Ben, but we find out Charlie was bullied pretty badly during the previous school year, and Ben’s kinda taking advantage of it.Ĭharlie still has a good group of friends (Tao, Elle, and Isaac), but Ben is someone who showed him physical intimacy and even called him brave for being out at school. It’s not much of a relationship, though, as Ben is only interested in making out behind closed doors and won’t even acknowledge Charlie when they see each other at school. When we first meet Charlie he’s in a relationship with a boy named Ben Hope. You don’t have to accept the first sign of affection you receive